All I Want For Christmas Is A Gargoyle

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🖤 American Abroad
🖤 Bad Boy Loves The Good Girl
🖤 Kdramas
🖤 You Had Me At Hello
🖤 Secret Identities

Meet Iris Muhly, American star of the hit international TV show Shattered.

Just kidding. Ingenue Iris definitely acts in the show, but the vibe? Less ‘star’ and more ‘character the fans hate most’. Bad enough on a normal show. But on a show where fans literally vote to control the plot? A disaster bad enough to potentially kick her all the way out of Korea: her work visa expires the moment her contract does.

Arriving home on a freezing December night to find her agent in the process of moving a Jpop star into her apartment? Hardly a vote of confidence. And that’s before a package explodes on Iris, literally showering her in death threats.

If only the fans loved her enough to vote for her to stay. Heck, right now she’d settle for a place to stay tonight.

Or a vote (of confidence) from, say, Max Kang, hotter-than-hot lead villain in the cast of Shattered

A dark, flirty paranormal romance full of forced proximity and fake relationships: the perfect read to chase away holiday blues.

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TEASER SCENE

“Delicious,” a deep voice said in English with a slight hint of French lilt. The voice wrapped around me promising silk, dark chocolate, and devastation. “I can’t wait to take a taste.”

Sighing, I closed my eyes. “Hello, Max.”

“That’s not your line.” I didn’t even need to look to know he was pouting dramatically, eyebrow quirked up in censure, a devilish smile playing across his lips.

“I didn’t talk to you in that scene.” If I kept my eyes closed, he’d go away.

There was a small shift as Max moved the table away so he could sit across from me.

Or maybe he wouldn’t…

Whatever image I associated with the name Max and a French accent, none of them lined up with the man across from me. He was the quintessential Korean Bad Boy from every drama made in the past two decades. His dark eyes took in, and his lips curved in a smile that was equal parts challenge and temptation. Even in dark gray hoodie with his hair untouched since he’d dried off from his last shower he looked like he should be modeling something.

Preferably underwear and skimpy swim shorts, according to a recent poll.

If Kim Woobin[1] and Kwak Dongyeon[2] somehow had a baby, that baby might look like him.

Max was his English name, or, technically, his French name. He’d been born in Marseille, France, while his father’s job had his parents wining and dining French business partners. He’d gone to school in Montreal, Canada, then in Melbourne, Australia, before coming home to Korea for his mandatory military service. Which was when a modeling scout had bitten their pen in half in a rush to sign him.

Now he was twenty-eight, fluent in four major languages, and the universe’s sexiest man[3].

His real name was Kang Taeyong and I was one of maybe forty people who knew that.

A leather boot that probably cost more than I earned working in Korea all year tapped my shin. “Why are you here?”

“To eat dinner.” I pushed the unfinished bowl of ramen away.

We had to go before anyone brought out a phone and informed Everi1 that Shattered’s arch-villain, the cursed dragon who turned into an emotion-eating vampire, was dining in here and we got mobbed.

“I thought you went to the airport.” Dark eyes raked across me, taking in my black slacks, blue boots, and a feminine cream blouse under a heavy lilac sweater. When I traveled, I went for comfort, not fashion. If Max cared, no one could tell from his expression, he judged the entire world with a quiet sneer but the corner of his mouth pulling up in a smile was enough to say he was judging everyone except his designated target.

Over the months we’d spent together I told myself I’d grown immune.

My heart was definitely not fluttering.

Absolutely not.

[1]Go find the Korean dramas “The Heirs” and “Our Blues”

[2]Go find the Korean drama “Vincenzo”

[3]According to polls. My entire life revolved around scripts, ratings, and polls. Which was slightly better than getting sent fanfic of my own gruesome death because I was not the preferred romantic interest for anyone.

 

THE SHORTEST KOREAN LESSON EVER

Because not everyone has spent the past decade watching Kdramas and not everyone speaks Korean.

NAMES:

Whenever the characters are speaking in Korean they will use the [Family Name] [Given Name] that is appropriate for Korean grammar and names.

When the characters are using English, and addressing someone by their English name, they will use [Given Name][Family Name].

Korean given names are translated in three ways:

  • Two Words -> Mary Jo
  • Hyphenated -> Mary-Jo
  • Full Name Form -> Maryjo

For this book I chose the Full Name Form for the Korean given names because it was easiest for me. When reading them, it helps to know that Y is a start-of-syllable sound, not an end-of-syllable sound like in English. Think Ye, Yay, Yong.

Taeyong’s name is Tae Yong, not Tay Ong.

SUFFIXES:

There’s a variety of Korean suffixes that are standard parts of Korean speech and not really interchangeable with English translations.

씨 – shi – she – this often gets translated as Mr/Mrs/Ms/Mx but it is a gender-neutral suffix all on its own and means that your are addressing something with respect

이 – i – ee – this is a diminutive suffix similar to the -y on English words. Most often used on names.

아 – a – ah – this is both a stand alone word (Ah!) and an affectionate add-on. You attach this suffix to the name of someone you love like a singer, your family member, or your crush.

이아 – ia – ee-ah – Koreans can and will double up on the suffixes to express a diminutive (to show something is cute) and affectionate (aww!).

SPELLING:

Wherever possible I used the standard Romanization of Korean words except in places where the pronunciation would make you sit down and cry. Sometimes it’s better to go for the idea and not the direct translation.

KOREAN WORDS YOU NEED TO KNOW:

Oppa – meaning both Older Brother (from a femme) and Boyfriend/Lover/S.O./Crush. It’s used as a cutesy term by femmes addressing a man who is taking care of them

Unnie – oo-nee – meaning sister (but only when spoken by a femme)

Hyung – hya-ung – meaning both Brother (literal) and Bro (slang) and only used (currently) by masc-presenting people.

Noona – new-na –  meaning Older Sister (from a masc) to Girlfriend/Lover/S.O./Crush. This is also a cutesy term used frequently by dating. Noona Romance (where the femme is older than the masc) is also a popular genre.

Sunbae – sun-bay – meaning Senior, or One Who Is Above Me In Hierarchy. This is a gender neutral term and, where applicable, might outweigh Oppa/Unnie/Hyung/Noona, especially in a business situation.

Annyonghaseyo – uhn-young-hee-ha-say-yo – the polite form of Hello

Anyong – an-young –  the quick and casual Hi of Korean

Anniyo – an-nee-yo – the formal NO in Korean

Ani – ah-nee – the casual No in Korean

Omma – oh-ma – meaning Mom

Ne –  nay – Yes

Omo – oh-mo – an expression of surprise like OMG

JieJie – jee jee – not Korean, this is the Mandarin for Older Sister. It’s used as a play on words between actresses because the name Xi (zhee) sounds similar.

 

A NOTE ON KOREAN FORMAL FORMS:

Korean has three ways to say things: high formal, formal, and informal. If you were in Korea as a foreigner you would always use Formal, unless you were meeting with heads of state or the ultra-wealthy, and then you might need High Formal.

Informal speech is for speaking to friends, anyone younger than you, and people you actively want to show disrespect for. It would be impolite for a tourist to use this because you are a guest in the country.

People who immigrate or work in Korea might use informal once they’ve learned the appropriate situations.

For the book the only indication of this will be the use of the informal Hi vs formal Hello to cue you in. Mentioning every time people switch between modes of speech sounds terrible, awful, and boring and I just don’t want to do it.

AN APOLOGY:

This book was read by a sensitivity reader and I consulted with both bilingual non-natives and native Koreans when writing this. Any errors, flubs, or failures are my own and I apologize.

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