You wouldn’t think there was a sadness attached to success. There should be elation. Perhaps celebration. There should be parades, and trumpets, joy!
But as I clean my desk tonight and tuck away the notes and scraps and post-is associated with DECOHERENCE I realize I’m burying the corpse of Jane Doe. This is the last hurrah. Our last wild ride through time. The last book under contract for Sam and Mac.
There’s a blank space on my wall now, where the plot has been for most of the year. My lists of scenes to write and word counts to hit are all gone.
They might return during the course of edits. But those are weeks away.
For now, all I have is an emptiness. A silence that needs to be filled with words.
I have ideas and plans, but nothing under contract. Nothing with a deadline. And I love my deadlines. I love being able to count the days until I must, at all cost, have a book finished by. It keeps me from wandering after every plot bunny I see, and I see many.
But… I don’t know if anyone can ever take the place of Sam and Jane Doe. They were my first real characters. The first ones who were good enough to share in a novel setting (Dr. Charm and Tabitha are special to me too).
Sam is so unlike every other character I’ve ever written. She’s so intelligent and so gentle. A caring, nurturing, forgiving person who will fight for justice, but who understands mercy. Of all my characters, she’s probably in the most danger while doing the least harm. She makes mistakes. She gets people hurt. But when faced with her greatest enemy, Sam is still willing to forgive and sit down beside them. She’s always puts others first.
I don’t know if I can write anyone else like her.
I don’t know if I need to.
Maybe what makes Sam Rose so special is that she is unique.