Monday, March 26, 2012

Put Some Tit In It - A NSFW Post

Really, is there anything boobs can't solve?

The mammary gland evolved on female mammals to provide nourishment for our young. In humans this is called Breastfeeding or Nursing and is the easiest way to provide young humans (aka Infants, Babies, Parasitic Minions, Cuddly Bugs, ect) with food. Some people find this very offensive, see the sources HERE and HERE for the debate.

It's easy for people to get confused because human females have long known that the secondary function of the boob is to Fix Everything!

Screaming baby? Put a tit in that mouth?

Fussy husband? Shake the tits and see him stare.

Political problem? Withhold titty touching until things go your way.

Book won't sell? More titty!!! Boobs sell!

Heck, Fifty Shades of Fanfiction just got a movie deal. Why? Boobs! Sex! More sex!!! Edward on the East Coast!!!

No wonder repressive governments worldwide are trying to radically infringe on the natural rights of women. Every female you see is toting around two super weapons capable of not just feeding nations, but bringing the political process to a screeching halt because boys can't think when in the presence of boobs.

Seriously, it's like owning my own set of death rays under a tight shirt, but I try not to brag...

I'm worried that I didn't think of this before. I should have remembered that Sex Sells and added more titties to EVEN VILLAINS FALL IN LOVE. Do you think it's too late to get a gratuitous picture from Playboy posted in the middle of the e-book? Is that something they could add during the formatting stage?

Because I left the sex out of EVFIL. I mean, there's some, it's just not written in graphic detail. I figure that anyone reading my book is past the point where they need an Insert Tab A Into Slot B how-to manual for sex. If you do need that than send me an email and I'll recommend a few books away from the blog. MeeMaw might stop by and she's going to give me a heart attack if she starts describing sexual positions again.

See, sex doesn't always equal romance. If it did, sex and rape wouldn't be used as weapons of war or terrorism (and they are). Is sex were always romantic we wouldn't ever need a phrase like, "It's a dress, not a yes."

There's more to romance than just sex, and hopefully I've captured that romance for EVFIL.

But, if not, Nil Desporandum, even erotica writers don't always get it right.


That's right, erotica writers get in trouble for having too much sex in their books! Obviously they had too much sex and not enough titty. Boobs solve everything.

My final proof is book covers with man, and then with boobs... which do you like better?

*Note* Some of you will be reading this in a bad mood, late at night, or under the influence of Real Life. I apologize. I love you all. Laugh, it won't kill you. - :o)

Images by order of use: WikiCommons user Maksim, breastfeeding meme, the twitter feed of @kristadb1 (proceed with caution and a healthy dose of humor)

4 comments:

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    1. But... I have a point, don't I? Boobs solve everything. They even get my car fixed for cheap. All you need is a v-neck t-shirt, a little smile, lean a little at the counter...

      Boobs: the miracle cure.

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  2. I would think that people reading this late at night should see it as MORE funny. I've always been of the opinion that boobs solve everything.
    I mean, seriously, I'm an intelligent person, but if my car gets stranded on the side of the road, all I have to do is look mildly perplexed and suddenly people are pulling over to help.

    the only PROBLEM is when the man assumes boob=not enough intelligence. Like when hubby and I rebuilt the engine of my car, and I went in to order a very specific bolt. The guy refused to LISTEN to me, and ordered the wrong one, twice. Until I grabbed his computer, and found the part myself.

    Completely unrelated to my previous paragraph, another big irony I find is that some guys are fine seeing boobs at a strip joint, but freaked out by a woman nursing under a cover. I mean really?

    Twitter: @theliz13

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    Replies
    1. I know! I think there's a disconnect there. Some people forget what a boob is for. It's primary function is providing food for babies. The fact that men are conditioned from birth the equate food with happiness, comfort, love, safety, and a full belly just makes it easier for women get their attention.

      Personally, I think girls sometimes sell themselves short and worry too much about their looks. But if smiling sweetly makes things go my way faster, I'll do it.

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